Doing The First Hard Thing
I've revealed my soon to be age in my site title. I'm actually 54 but in less than a year now, I will be 55. Why is this hard? And why is this important?
HARD: Because I have to face my biggest fear. The fear of being a coward. Cowardly remaining chained to my day job for another 10 years until I am in a reasonable position to retire. Instead of being brave, holding on tight to my guts, listening attentively to my heart and soul and allowing myself to finally follow the artistic path that I am most certain I am meant to be on. And acting decisively on this choice before I am too worn down and feeling too much regret at lost time to make anything of my talent.
IMPORTANT: Because I have made a pact with myself. A silent goal, yet to be shared with those closest to me, of leaving my day job completely some time within my 55th year of existence on this planet. So this is my testimonial. My place to hold myself accountable. My safety zone. I am counting on it serving as my guide, my conscience, my record and most importantly, my place to come for encouragement, support, community and bravery. If all goes well, it will also serve as a place of inspiration for all who have gone before me and any who are to follow.
I don’t know how to do this. I don’t actually know how to build toward a plan of existence that does not resemble the way of life I’ve been living for the past 20 years. I’ve whittled conventional earning down, reducing my work week to three days, but moving beyond that three day safety net is proving to be my ultimate hurdle.
At 54, I have obligations. I live with my husband, two kids who are in university and an eight year old (yes, I know). We have a house with a healthy mortgage and a car. With a sister, I share ownership of an original 60-year-old cottage that was passed on to us from our parents and is something I don’t want to give up, despite it requiring a lot of upkeep and updating to keep it habitable.
I make enough at my day job to cover our monthly mortgage payment and not much more. If I quit my job tomorrow and despite my partner’s full-time income, we would not be able to stay living in our house, for starters. Yet, I so badly want to quit and my heart yells at me so loudly to do so every day that I almost don’t care and entertain dangerous fantasies about throwing caution to the wind.
But then, I do care. I care about so many things. I care about providing for my family. I care about earning and contributing. I care about living life to its fullest. I care about setting an example for my children (by demonstrating what is possible and achievable). I care about not distressing my partner. I care about being trusted.
And that may well be the crux of my failure to launch to date. Before I can ask my family for that trust, I need to work on trusting myself.
The work starts now. I have T - 701 days before the clock runs out and rolls over to my 56th year and the highly anticipated, highly craved and highly necessary next phase of my life is scheduled to begin. This means it’s time to go on the record and launch All in 55. Each week, I will be posting about something, really anything that has moved me toward realizing or reaffirming my goal: quitting my day job to pursue my creative and artistic life full-time.
All content will be free to start. When enough momentum has been gained, I’ll work in optional paid content. Travel along with me, learn from my triumphs and my mistakes, have a laugh, cheer me on if you would, and please lend a guiding and/or helping hand when you have something to offer.
“I believe that the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity, is daring to dare.”
—Maya Angelou
I'm totally intrigued by your quest for artistic freedom. You have the passion, you absolutely have the drive, you are pointed in the right direction. Everything is falling into place. You just need to find the courage to jump...